Beisbol Been Barry, Barry, Good to Me. . . .

What in the name of Chico Esquiela is going on here?!!!!

Why ain't Barry being "invited" to Rep. Jim Davis' (R-VA) little St. Patrick's Day get-together next week? The Honorable gentleman from Virginia sez they don't want it becoming "The Barry Bonds Show." What they really mean is that they're pre-empting another one of Barry's hour-long "diatribes." Hell, if you accept conventional wisdom, Barry might recite dialogue from the "Good Times" episode in which J.J. paints a portrait of Jesus Christ using Ned the Wino as his model, or the Doobie Brothers concert episode of "What's Happenin'" . . . Can't you just see Bonds steppin' up to Congressman Henry Waxman (D-CA) and asking him,"Which Doobie, you be?!"

Or maybe they're afraid that when they ask Bonds "The Question," he will stand up in the middle of his testimony, slip of his suit jacket, undo his belt buckle and let his pants drop to the floor, push his Fruit of the Looms down to his knees, and then grab his bat and balls while looking squarely at Congressmen Davis, and asert defiantly, "Does THIS look like I'm using steroids, motherfucker!!!!"

Seriously though, . . .What I really think the deal is that they are afraid of providing a forum for a bright, outspoken and opinionated black man. As much as I'd like the see it, I'm pretty sure Barry will not literally whip out his business before a Congressional committee, but he probably would do something pretty close to it, metaphorically speaking.

Bonds has certainly demonstrated that he's perfectly willing and capable of "showing his ass." He basically did as much during his February 21st press conference:

http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/mlb/news/mlb_news.jsp?ymd=20050222&content_id=948340&vkey=spt2005news&fext=.jsp

If you read the transcript closely, Bonds basically drives home the point that this is all nonsense. The baseball writers thought he was crazy and said that Bonds "didn't get it" and that he was "deflecting accountability away from himself." Oh, Bonds "gets it," alright, and that's part of the problem as far as Congress and Major League Baseball are concerned. Out of all those who are under suspicion, Bonds is the least likely to play along with the game. Perhaps, there was method in the madness of his statements on February 21st, after all. If so, then they worked like a charm. Like I said, . . . Barry gets it. . . .


Now, let's take a look at the roster and check out who they're inviting. I'm wondering, how many of them actually "get it"?

Let's see . . . There's Curt Schilling, a shill for "W" hisself during the 2004 Campaign. You have Rafael Palmeiero, another friend and former employee of "W." He'also a Cuban expatriate, from Miami, and, by definition down with G.O.P.

Jason Giambi? Now there's a real rocket scientist for you, right there. Federal prosecutors said, "Boo!" and he sang like Mariah Carey at Radio City Music Hall. And please don't give me that nonsense about Bonds not being invited because the BALCO prosecutors called off Congressional investigators. If that were the case, then why is Giambi on the list? My nose is stuffed up, and you ain't "The Rock," so I ain't smellin' whatcha got cookin'.

Frank Thomas? Now, I've been a real "Big Hurt" fan from Day One, and believe he really got screwed over when he lost the MVP trophy to Juicin' Jason -- but let's be real here, they call him "The Big Blurt" for good reason. If you look up the term "hoof and mouth disease" in an encyclopedia, you're gonna find a picture of Big Frank with his size 14 Nike shoved up his pie-hole.

And Sammy So-so? His testimony will be nothing more than a Latinized Steppin Fetchit' act. Half the time he's going to feign like he didn't understand the questions; and the rest of the time he's going to smile and say something like "I 'pologize" or something to that effect. He might just break out with the Chico Esqueila act. It was "cute" back in 1998, when he was mugging for the cameras, and proclaiming that the the only thing he took was "Flinstones vitamins." Let's just hope he shoots Garrett Morris a royalty check for 50-Large after the hearing. I bet Morris could use the dough to supplement the residuals checks he's receiving from "The "Martin Show" and "The Jamie Foxx Show."

And Mark McGuire? . . . I'm sure he'd much rather spend March 17th working on his short game than sweating before the kleig lights on Capitol Hill. He's being included in the mix to make it look like they're singling out the players of color, as our man Jose has aptly pointed out about this mess in the first place. Sure Jose's selling books, but he has a point nontheless.


Here are three opinion pieces which are calling the Davis hearings out for being the dog-n-pony show that they really are:

The first, by Washington Post baseball columnist Thomas Boswell, asks the question: "What's the big rush?" and "Why now?"

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A25428-2005Mar10.html


The second, by Jason Whitlock of the Kansas City Star and the Page 2 Section of ESPN.com provides one explanation for the timing of these hearings. Four words: Barry, . . . Bonds, . . . Babe, . . . and . . . Ruth. (Sorry, that's five words.)

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=whitlock/050311


And finally, Ray Ratto, a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle and another contributor to ESPN.com, offers a take on what might happen if Bonds actually crahsed the party:

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=ratto_ray&id=2009235

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